Husband Wants to Work Two Jobs While I Stay at Home With Baby
Today's postal service is a reader asking- my favorite! I am a pretty open volume and beloved sharing how we do life and hearing how yous do life in return. Today nosotros're talking husbands that piece of work long hours/travel…
I would honey a post on balancing existence a part time working mom, part time SAHM with a husband who has long piece of work hours and travels a ton. I experience burned out past beingness the sole parent well-nigh days. Would love your accept on this, whatever advice as I know your husband has crazy piece of work hours too.
-A
I've decided to tackle this topic on a mean solar day I'm feeling bright and optimistic. Don't allow that fool y'all into thinking I haven't had days where I desire to scream It'S Not FAIR at the top of my lungs. As the girls have gotten older (now 2 one/ii and 5), those challenging moments have go fewer and further between, plus I tin tell them to get play when I demand some time to regroup, but nevertheless, I've been there.
I've had days I feel completely burned out and others where I crave validation. I desire to tell David everything I've washed and I want him to react with a 18-carat "oh my gosh, how practise yous do information technology all? You single handedly make this family function twenty-four hour period to day, so seamlessly, and we are forever indebted to you." So I want a full spa day to bask in my awesomeness.
Spoiler alert: that has never happened.
Only I have learned how to ameliorate deal. I never take really considered myself a WAHM considering this blog is something that is such a fun passion for me, just to keep it going, it does crave my time. I estimate I spend about 15-xx hours a week on the blog. Perhaps that qualifies me as a part fourth dimension WAHM and maybe information technology doesn't but any my category, I do run this space and our household during the calendar week since David works sometimes long and always unpredictable hours. (And I still feel I have it piece of cake compared to some of my friends who have husbands that travel for weeks -or months- at a time)
Taking on the bulk of habitation and kid care during the week took some getting used to, but over the past 5 years I've learned a few tricks that have fabricated my life easier.
- Don't let resentment overtake yous. I've learned not to continue score. I remind myself that what he'south out doing all twenty-four hour period is for the family too. One of the things I dear most most David is his stiff work ethic and drive, so anytime I feel similar my job is harder, I give myself a quick reality cheque that we're both working our tails off for the skilful of our family unit. It helps me feel more like a squad and builds camaraderie.
- Focus on the good stuff. My optimism is about fifty% nature and 50% nurture. I intentionally focus on the good. I feel really grateful that my hobby turned into a part time job that allows me to contribute financially doing something I love. I experience fortunate that I get to be habitation with my kids. Focusing on the perks of my situation (pajama and movie afternoons!) helps me amend handle the hiccups (napless afternoons, domicile repairs, technical difficulties online, doctor appointments, car repairs, you know, life).
- Enlist help. And drib the guilt associated with it. Nosotros have bi-weekly house cleaners that I beloved about equally much as my children. Sure I still wipe down, sweep (nearly everyday considering my kids swallow like rabid wolves), and whatnot, but information technology saves me the fourth dimension it takes to do a deep clean. Whether it's cleaners, meal delivery/food prep short cuts, m professionals, babysitter swapping with other moms, etc carefully selected outside help can brand a world of departure.
- Take care of yourself. It took me a while to realize that David actually didn't intendance what I did all day, simply he did care if I was happy. There have been phases when I've burnt myself out until I learned that not all solo time needs to exist productive. I have a wonderful once a week sitter (that I adore). 90% of that time I spend working on things, but that other ten% allows me to fit in an occasional pedicure or take a long walk. Maybe it's wine and a girly Boob tube show in one case the kids are down, or a coffee engagement with a friend once you drib your child at preschool, only assuasive yourself to have some truthful "me" time isn't indulgent, it's necessary.
- Create a schedule. I become upwards between 5:15/5:30 every morning. I don't honey setting an alarm, but information technology's necessary for setting upwardly my days the way I desire them. I do my weekday "work" in the early morning which frees me upwardly to be "just mom" during the day. I besides schedule in reanimation. I deliberately exit several afternoons open. For laundry, for play dates, for blistering whatsoever comes upwardly.
I've learned to do the work I can practise with my kids, with them. For me that can be cooking, cleaning, or organizing. Other things like editing pictures and writing I have to practice in my morning hours. I don't exercise those "solo" tasks while my kids are up considering I establish myself condign irritable and frustrated when they interrupted (which of course they are going to) and information technology went against everything I desire to be as a mom. Delegating sure tasks at certain times has really helped my sanity. - Take the kids pitch in. I realize a trivial more each day that my kids can really do things. I told them the other day they needed to clean the floor effectually the table then my jaw dropped as I watched Hailey sweep everything into a pile and Kaitlyn dustbuster it up. I constantly am reminding myself that my girls (especially Hailey at 5 years erstwhile) can and should be taking on more dwelling responsibilities.
- Stay in touch with the hubby throughout the day/week. David and I have a abiding WhatsApp stream. We transport each other funny things, updates on our days, topics to talk over later on, pictures of the kids, etc. It really helps me to experience connected to him throughout the day and helps me feel similar we're on a team, tackling this crazy day separately, but together.
- Greet him with a grin. Accept I thrust the baby at him before as he walked in the door? I'm sure I have- those baby witching hours are no joke, but I really try to not simply throw the whining kids at him equally soon every bit he gets home. I'yard not proverb I'm dolled up and in heels, but a quick smile and hug how-do-you-do hopefully lets him know I am happy to see him and am grateful for what he does during the day for our family.
- Take shortcuts. Or long cuts? When I'm solo, especially if it'due south for a couple days, I give baths at 3:00 pm before the girls are too tired to fight it. I make dinner/bath/bed a relaxed, three hour process. Information technology keeps stress lower for all of usa.
- Tell him how you feel. I know I should not need validation from my husband, but knowing that has not stopped me from wanting to feel appreciated. When David tells me he is grateful for what I practice, I don't blow information technology off like it's aught. I tell him how much it ways to me to hear that. Information technology's piece of work I am across happy to do, but information technology is piece of work.
If I'm not feeling appreciated or wanting to discuss a change, I bring it upwardly after the girls are down and we're both in a relaxed fashion. Timing, I've learned, makes huge difference.
And to the 8% of men that read here, a few quick ideas to consider:
Buss her good day in the morn, tell her she'south beautiful with that crazy top knot, transport her flowers for no reason (especially if you travel), leave a note under her pillow, and most importantly, tell her how much yous notice and appreciate all that she does. Acknowledgement goes a long way (for both parties).
No matter what your situation is (WAHM, Working Mom, SAHM, or whatever combo of the above), y'all are working hard. Nosotros're all total fourth dimension moms and ish isn't e'er a cakewalk.
Do you take a great tip for how to handle information technology when your married man works long hours or travels?
Military wives (thank you lot and your family and so much for your sacrifices), I have and then much respect for what yous do. I'll bet you lot have some really wonderful tips, and so delight share them!
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